Life in Germany continues…

Before I resume the story of my Life in Germany, here’s wishing Happy Father’s Day to all the Super Hero Daddies! (if that’s even a word!)

A little more about me…

My Dad was in the Indian Army. Unlike many, who are fortunate to spend their childhood with both their parents, I was only able to spend few weeks in a year with my father. Fatherhood is a very important responsibility, but his main responsibility was beyond kin! He had to serve his Nation and I am so proud of him for serving our motherland until his years of service in Indian Armed Forces!

Right from when I could make some sense out of what’s going on in my Life, it has been a roller coaster ride! Sometimes, Life puts you in situations that compel you to sacrifice integral relations! The bond that I and my Dad shared when I was a child cease to exist today. But, I still have immense respect for him; for all the sacrifices he made for our better future and for all the love that he bestowed upon me! Out of the happy and sad memories with him, I choose to pick the happy ones’!

Happy Father’s Day to you dear Dad!

Now resuming from where I concluded my last post…

As you all know from my earlier post, I had a sense of relief and positivity post seeing my AirBnB accommodation. I was given a show around of my room by the hostess. She was German and was a Yoga Instructor by Profession. As far as first impressions are concerned, she was very warm and welcoming.

After reaching my room and settling down, reality hit me, and it hit me really hard! Here I was, miles away from home, from my family! The struggle to control your emotions and the resultant tears is harder than it sounds! We often wish if we could have an Undo button in our lives! At this very instant of time, the intensity of this wish was beyond words! I wanted to go back, be with my family again! Career, Future, Goals… they all seemed so trivial!

As this dismay was overtaking my senses, I made the ‘call’!

When I don’t know what to do, when nothing seems right, when the Universe seems to be conspiring against me, there’s only one living being to help me think straight – my loving husband!

So, I made the call! He knew my state of mind by just looking at my helpless, sorrow filled face! Physically, I was on video call with my husband but emotionally, I was already moving out and going back to Airport to fly back home!

It took good amount of time and patience but eventually my husband was able to calm me down. In such moments of despair, you really need someone to hold you, to support you, to make you believe again and to help you think straight! After the call, I was finally able to hold my emotions and think practically and sensibly again! I had to be ready for tomorrow! I had to be ready for each and every tomorrow from now on!

It was a Sunday night! Being October, it was cold and I was shivering! Cold was one of the reasons behind the shiver; but it was not the only reason! Fear, anxiety, tension, loneliness… all negative nouns came in rushing! But, I had to fight them because there was no other alternative!

Fighting my fears and preparing for tomorrow – that’s how I spent my first night in Germany!

Monday Morning – a new day and a new opportunity to make good memories! After getting ready and having a descent breakfast (thanks to my family for packing so many food items!), I left the house. Out in the open and you realize the importance of warmth! It was barely 1 or 2 degrees and me and my body was trying our level best to survive the cold! To top that, I didn’t know where the train station was!

After a few wrong turns and many failed attempts to seek help from people, I was finally able to find the train station! For those who are thinking that I am slow-witted as there’s this thing called Google Maps! Just to make everyone aware, I was using them! Fact is, there’s always a never-ending battle between Me & Maps! Needless to say, I seldom win!

So, after finally reaching the train station and getting my ticket, I boarded the train. The journey was mesmerizing! Train was journeying from the busy streets, to the beautiful buildings to the sides of the serene Rhine! This was a 180 shift from the memories that I have with the local trains of Mumbai! Although, I must admit, that’s a unique memory of its own – struggling and finding your way into the train compartment, fighting for the window seat, accomplishment of getting down at your destination with all of you and your belongings! Those are some indelible memories!

Coming back to Bonn, I got down at my destination. Maps told me office is nearby at a walking distance, so I began the task of finding my office which was in a vicinity of few meters and to my astonishment, I succeeded!

First day in office was really nice! Each of my colleagues – German as well as fellow Indians were so welcoming! The environment and the overall aura was way different when compared to the Mumbai office, but I wasn’t complaining! I went in the office and the day was over in a jiffy! That’s the power of workload!

I had the company of my fellow colleagues in the evening and the small conversation during the walk consisted of tips and guidance of settling down – where to get the groceries, how to find an accommodation, opening bank account– the usual expat onboarding itinerary!

That night I was introspecting how my day went and I had mixed feelings. The vacuum of being away from family could not be filled but the happiness of making new acquaintances and possibly great friends in the future was attempting to fill up the void.

I began searching for a long term nest for myself as this temporary one was far from comfortable!

As I mentioned the hostess came out to be warm and welcoming in the first impression. But trust me, first impressions can be deceptive! My room was very compact (couldn’t find a more subtle synonym for “way too small”!). The house had 2 more rooms apart from mine and they were all up on AirBnB. I love to meet new people. You never know when and how we meet someone who shares same interests as ours. It could be the beginning of a great friendship! Plus, I strongly feel, we just have one Life and it is too short to not try and experience new things as long as we know our limits! Having said that, seeing new faces every other day was a bit too much for me! Needless to say, I was not able to strike the chord with each one of them!

I have a very soft voice and when I spoke to my family, I ensured that I do not bother my fellow AirBnB’ers! That’s a common courtesy and I am filled with it till the brim! In spite of that, apparently I was very loud when I spoke over call as claimed by my dear hostess and to be frank, it was a bit disheartening! Reason being, first few days of my conversations at home either always began with tears or concluded with one! So, if I was audible from outside of my room, then my dear hostess also heard that I was crying over call. She could lament about my voice being audible, but she apparently didn’t care to ask if I was keeping well! Insensitivity at its best!

I knew this AirBnB hosting is her business, but as humans, we should never lose the sense of empathy! Her behavior did upset me, but I was still trying to understand her side and find some sense in her actions. But then came the festival of Diwali!

To enlighten my non-Indian readers, Diwali is one the most treasured festivals in India. It is the festival of lights, celebration of the triumph of Good over Evil! This festival has a sacred place in the hearts of every Indian! We celebrate it with lighting diyas outside our houses, light crackers, although I am dead scared of fire crackers! We cook delicious Indian snacks and sweets and then share it with our friends, family and neighbors.

This Diwali, I was alone – away from my family and friends and this was reason enough to be sad and dejected. My family tried to cheer me up by asking me to wear something Indian. I obliged. Then, they video called me and I was part of the celebration! As I often say – Distance is only virtual when feelings are real! I was sad but was overjoyed with this sweet gesture from my family. I had no words to thank God for giving me them! We often de-prioritize our families over inconsequential material things! Enjoy and cherish every moment. Don’t just spend time with your family; cherish that time too! To summarize, it was a special day for me! I was dressed in my “Indian” best and was trying to remain happy and positive!

When you have your entire house decorated as per Indian theme, it is conspicuous to assume that my dear hostess will share my thoughts and feelings about this auspicious festival. But, she was so oblivious! She saw me in the Indian attire - no reaction, she saw me trying to strike in a conversation with her - no reaction, my presence - no reaction! Trust me, “no reaction” sucks! When you stay with someone under one roof, you will make an attempt to speak, an attempt to bond, an attempt to know each other and I failed miserably in all these attempts! “No reaction” here doesn’t imply that I wanted her attention whenever we crossed each other’s path. It is a mere expression of the fact that she seldom paid heed to any of these ‘attempts’.

That Diwali night confirmed my opinion about my current dwelling – I need to run and I need to run faster!

‘run’ is a substitute for ‘moving out’ and is used solely for poetic effect! Kindly do not take the meaning in literal terms! ☺

Next coming days were dominated by my quest to find a good accommodation and that assignment was a living example of how Life puts you in laborious situations to test your endurance!

Did I succeed in finding a good place to call it a “Home”?

You’ll would know that in my next post ….

Until then, like I always say – Stay Happy, Stay Safe!

Remember… learn to cherish, learn to value, learn to love! Make friends, spend time with your family. Show them how much they mean to you! Feelings are best reciprocated when expressed!

So please, learn to express!